


A sanctuary for you and me

by MistakenSky



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I mean it's snowbaz so yeah, M/M, Not That Much Angst Really, Other characters are unimportant tbh, POV Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, bc I love him, before canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:15:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26178592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MistakenSky/pseuds/MistakenSky
Summary: "I didn't know where else to go..."Simon bloody Snow is standing -barely- on my porch at almost midnight in the middle of summer, soaked in rain, looking completely mental, with an excuse that isn't even one.
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 43
Kudos: 283





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone, please enjoy this fic I wrote in three days instead of focusing on real life. It is entirely written but I'll update from time to time, quickly enough don't worry. First chapter is very short, the others are better I promise.
> 
> English is not my first language so there are probably some mistakes here and there, I apologize in advance. Please point them out in the comments to help me improve. I still tried my best to give you a good enough Baz.
> 
> Edit : I finally found the Tumblr post that inspired this so here have a link https://samwellwinchesterthebrave.tumblr.com/post/186755738565/crewdlydrawn-nerdy-birdy18
> 
> Thank you for reading !

"I didn't know where else to go..."

Simon bloody Snow is standing -barely- on my porch at almost midnight in the middle of summer, soaked in rain, looking completely mental, with an excuse that isn't even one. If I may have had dared to dream that Snow would show up on my doorstep unexpected, I would have imagined him in better shape. His clothes would be cleaner, there wouldn't have been any trace of blood on his shirt or tears on his cheeks. I'm too shocked to answer at first and when I feel like my brain is finally catching up with the world, he takes a few trembling steps towards me and… falls into my arms, unconscious.

I must at least recognize that he has good timing. I heard his footsteps in front of the door as I was passing it, about to go back to my bedroom after my dinner. Everyone in the manor is asleep, which makes it easier for me to carry him upstairs (bridal style, I tell myself that it's because it's practical). Without thinking, I put him on my bed. Then I freak out. _Simon Snow is asleep in my bed_. Not at all how I envisioned this happening, but here he was. Once again ruining any fantasies I tried to escape to when I couldn't bear my actual, real life anymore. I give myself a few minutes to walk around my room in panic, swearing and insulting him and when I manage to compose myself enough, I go to check on him. He really is in bad shape, it's painful to see.

His clothes are covered in blood -both his and someone or something else's if I trust my nose. I hesitate for a second before I go to reach the zipper of his sweatshirt. He might kill me in the morning for this but I need to know if he is injured. My trembling hands get the hem of his shirt and I move it up. I'm not even touching him yet I feel like his skin is burning me. He is radiating heat and life, which of course is a good sign. He has a few scratches and bruises, but no open wounds or anything that could have caused his passing out. With more delicacy than if I was manipulating the most fragile glass, I move him so I can take off his soaked sweatshirt and check on his back. He has no life threatening injuries. _He has no life threatening injuries_. I let him gently fall back on my pillow and let go of a long breath I had been holding for a few minutes. I move away as if he somehow is a threat. In his state, he wouldn't be a threat to a kitten, but to me he always is. I don't feel any dark magick around him, so he must have just fainted out of pure exhaustion.

If this realization should make me relax, I'm suddenly overwhelmed with a deep anger. What in Merlin's name could they have put him through this summer? How could his excuse of a foster father not see that he needed help? What could he have faced that would push him to go to me of all people? He thinks I want him dead and yet chose me as the lesser of two evils.

I am thrown back into the here and now when I hear him whimpering. He isn't waking up but he wraps his arms around himself and frowns, shivering. He is either cold or having a nightmare, and at least I can try and help with the former. I get up to go to my wardrobe where I know are stacked a few blankets. While I cross the room, I light up the fireplace with just a gesture of the hand. I wouldn't be this dramatic usually but that's what Snow brings out in me. I'm putting out a constant act around him and I wouldn't know how to do differently while he is in the room. I get back to my bed with the blankets and untie his shoes before covering him with one. Once it's done, I look around the room. My heart is pounding in my chest and I don't know how else to help him. The frown is still on his face but the shivering has stopped at least. Pushed by despair, fear and, deep down, love, I sit on the edge of my bed, next to him. He starts crying in his sleep, hanging onto the covers. It breaks me and every wall I have been putting up for years is shattered. I hold out a hand and reach for his short hair that has started to grow again since he shaved it at the beginning of summer. Gently, I start to caress him, his hair, his face, praying to every god and goddess I know that he won't wake up just yet. He needs to rest, and I need to cherish what is possibly the only kind of non aggressive physical contact there will ever be between us.

"It will be okay Simon. I'll take care of you I promise."

He stopped crying. I didn't.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It will be okay Simon. I'll take care of you I promise."
> 
> He stopped crying. I didn't.

As usual when we spend the night in the same room, I chose looking at him over sleep. I still end up dozing off on the couch for what feels like a minute before I'm jolted awake by a loud noise. I sit and immediately turn to my bed. Snow is up and awake, visibly panicking, and probably crashed into my nightstand when he tried to get up. He looks at me, holding his hip and summons his damn sword. My eyes roll before I can stop myself.

"Hello to you too, hope you had pleasant dreams."

He does not respond, or move. He just stands there, looking idiotic and kissable with his barely awake face.

"You can stand down, I won't eat you for breakfast, you would be indigestible this early. Dinner however…"  
"Why am I here? Where am I?"  
"Are you kidding me? You are here, in my bedroom, because you came here ! Or at least, you came to my house and then had the indelicacy to pass out. I should be the one asking questions."

That seems to make his brain restarts. I stretch while he mumbles his incoherent thoughts, his sword still pointed towards me. I walk to my bathroom as if he isn't even here and wash my face.

"You let me in."

He followed me.

"Well observed," I say, looking at him in the mirror.  
"I wasn't sure you would."  
"Yet you came here, in the middle of the night, soaked in blood and rain. Quite an entrance. Will you finally give me an explanation?"

What happened? Are you okay? Are you safe? How can I help?

"I was attacked," he answers as if he is talking about the weather.

Bloody should describe my everyday life, not yours. He walks back to my room and this time I'm the one who follows.

"What a disappointment, I thought you missed me. In whose business did your precious Mage decide to put his nose this time?  
"This has nothing to do with him. T'was just goblins."  
"He is the one who didn't protect you, at least. Goblins did that to you?" I scoff. "They're not that… complicated to get rid of."  
"Why would he? They unionized."  
"Why would… What??" I stammer, both of those statements sounding mental.  
"What?" he echoes.

He sits back on my bed, letting his sword fall by his side as if I'm no longer a threat. I stay standing, far enough.

"What do you mean they unionized?"  
"They organized themselves. I don't know exactly, but they come at me in groups now. I've been running from them for days. I think I killed hundreds. It's like they always know here I am."  
"And why isn't the Mage helping you? He must have some kind of fortress to hide you in, right?"  
"How would I know?"  
"Aren't you living with him?" I ask with a laugh.  
"No," he answers calmly.

That shuts me up immediately. He looks at me as if I suddenly have two heads.

"You are not spending your summers with him?"  
"No."

I wait for him to elaborate but apparently I have to conduct an interrogation, rather than an easy discussion with a capable being.

"Why not?"  
"He doesn't want me to. I have to stay in touch with the language."  
"Sounds useless, for someone like you. You never stayed with him?"  
"I don't even know where he lives," he says with a disillusioned laugh.  
"But… where do you go?"

He might be able to hear the worry in my voice, but I cannot contain it. This isn't our usual place, our usual discussions, our usual way to act with each other. Everything seems so surreal.

"Group homes, most of the time. I have to change every year."

I am shocked and struggle to find my next thought. He seems completely unfazed. How can he not see how crazy it sounds? The Mage just sends him back with the Normals every year, unprotected? And alone. Unable to think fully, my mind comes back to my most pressing question.

"Why are you here?"  
"When the goblins found me, I had to run away to protect the other kids. I tried to run and hide for days but they always find my tracks, mostly because there isn't much around here. It's just fields and big houses. I ended up in a village whose name sounded familiar. I remembered that you lived close by so when they found me again last night, I came here."  
"How could you possibly know which village is close to my family's estate?"  
"I asked Penny where you live and studied the area. Just in case."

I roll my eyes. Again with his antagonism. There are a billion other things he should study instead.

"You know what, whatever. Use the bathroom, and by that I mean take a bath, because you reek of blood. Use whatever you could possibly desire in there. And then get out of my house, I'm not managing a bed and breakfast."  
"Fine. Wouldn't want to stay here anyway, I was just desperate," he answers.

It might be wishful thinking, but he looks a little defeated as he obeys and leaves my room. He must be exhausted. I try not to dwell on it as I take clean clothes and go to another bathroom for a shower. I do not go back there when I'm ready, and instead get down to the kitchen. I find a tray and start to pile up food on it as fast as I can. Unfortunately, Daphne and Mordelia walk in before I'm finished. I greet them and try to escape, but my sister interrupts me.

"Where are you going? We are supposed to eat breakfast in the kitchen."

She is at the age where she pronounces every letter and syllable as if it's the most important one in the sentence, while opening her mouth way more than required. It's cute.

"You are. I'm almost a grown up, I can do what I want."  
"But you _could_ eat with us," Daphne chimes in.  
"I… I was about to watch a movie in my bed actually," I lie easily.  
"It's all fine with us," she answers with her usual tact. "We just wouldn't mind your company."

I nod with half a smile and start to make my way back. I would have stayed, if Snow wasn't here, I think so. My father is already at work so I probably would have stayed.

I get back to my room, and Snow isn't here yet. How long does he bloody need? I put down the tray and take advantage of the empty room to eat a piece of toast. I immediately regret forgetting to bring tea.  
My train of thoughts violently derail when Snow comes out of the bathroom wearing only his boxers. I hate when he does that. I don't see his sword anywhere.

"I thought I heard you come in," he says almost with a smile, as if we're friends.

I hate that even more. He is distracted by the food and walks towards me. I divert my eyes and take a few steps back.

"You're… you're wearing jeans."  
"Are you surprised that I'm not wearing my school uniform in July?" I scoff.

He just shrugs but I can feel his eyes on me.

"My clothes are ruined," he continues with his mouth full. "Is there any way you have a washing machine?"  
"Use a spell."  
"It's the only clothes I have right now, I do not need to set them on fire."

I scoff and walk to the bathroom, trying to ignore how loudly he eats. Trying to ignore the part of my brain asking when was the last time he had an actual meal. His jeans and shirt are thrown on the floor and I inspect them.

"I don't think the english language has a good enough spell for… that. Cleaning them won't fix the holes."  
"Well I'm not running from goblins naked so they'll do I guess. So no washing machine?"

I sigh and toss the jeans before I walk to my wardrobe. I choose an old, loose shirt Fiona got me as a joke, and sweatpants. Anything else I own would be either too tight for him -Merlin and Morgana know I don't need that- or too fancy to fight goblins. I hold them out towards him and he takes it, somewhat wary.

"They are not cursed clothes, don't look at me like that."  
"I know," he says simply before he starts to dress.  
"Why are you not… more on edge by the way. You come here, take my food and my clothes... I could have poisoned you a million times."  
"You could have killed me in my sleep, and you didn't, so…"

He shrugs, trailing off.

"I want something more spectacular for you. A death worthy of a Renaissance painting."

I don't know why I said that. I lie way too easily.

"Good, you won't poison me then."

He is almost smiling. It's like we have an inside joke, when we speak of murdering each other. I hate it. He goes back to the tray of food. Not much could have prepared me for the vision Simon bloody Snow eating breakfast on my bed wearing my old Blondie shirt. I'm glad I did not feed last night, or I might have been blushing.

"So what are you going to do?" I ask. "About the goblins I mean."

He shrugs again. I want to pin his shoulder against the bed so he'll stop.

"Don't know. Keep running, maybe find a way to call Penny for advice, try to survive until school starts again."

He laughs. As if the idea of him exhausted and starving, running for his life for a month is somehow funny. It makes me want to lock him in this room and throw away the key. He would hate me, it would be a brand new reason for him to want me dead, but he would be safe.

"Why don't you go to Bunce's place? Or Wellbelove? Or the Mage?"  
"Don't want to bring the goblins to them. And still don't know where he lives."  
"But you didn't mind bringing the goblins to my family."  
"I wasn't thinking about them, only you. And I know you could defend yourself."  
"Right."  
"I'll make sure they see me when I leave so your family is safe."

I do not answer. It doesn't matter anyway, we are all leaving tonight. And it shouldn't matter that he cares about their safety. He is the hero, it's in the job description. He is almost finished with the food I brought. Eating made him look better, but drowsy. I know he will want to leave right away. I cannot allow it.

"Don't step out of this room before I come back," I say and then head to the door.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know he will want to leave right away. I cannot allow it.
> 
> "Don't step out of this room before I come back," I say and then head to the door.

He does not say anything so I leave. I almost run down the stairs and in the corridors, until I find Daphne.

"What can I help you with?" she asks with a smile.

"Niall is going on holidays in the south of France and just offered Dev and I to go along."

"I see. And the south of France with your friends sounds better than a month at my parents place I suppose. Did you speak to your father about it?"

"Not yet. I wanted to make sure you wouldn't be hurt if I considered the offer."

She gives me a genuine smile and I feel bad for lying. I didn't really want to go anyway. They are not my grandparents, not really. It's always complicated to feed with so many people around in such a small place. It all makes me feel oppressed. However, I really do not want to hurt her.

"You really are almost a grown-up, and I understand longing for freedom. If your father says yes, it's fine by me."

I nod and turn to go back upstairs, but she calls me.

"Basilton? I'm glad you asked me first."

I offer a weak smile and walk to the stairs. I text Father about the change of plans. If he wants us to argue, so be it. When I get back, I'm a little surprised to see that Snow is still here. He is standing by my desk, probably looking for my evil plans.

"My whole family is leaving tonight, heading up north."

"Good, they'll be safe."

I take a deep breath.

"I told them I'm not coming with. You can stay here."

"Are you trying to make me a prisoner or something?" He asks and his hand goes by his side, where it does to summon his weapon.

"No, stand down. I don't want any of my sisters to walk in and see you with a sword. I'm saying you can stay here. You don't have to run."

He immediately looks suspicious. I am being very suspicious, I'll give him that.

"Why would you do that?"

"So goblins don't get the credit for your fall."

He doesn't believe me.

"My house is a target now. I can't have that."

I think he believes me a little.

"We might actually need you to defeat the Humdrum. Let's just… call for a truce okay? Until we get rid of them and I'm sure that my family will be safe."

He stops to think. This could take a while.

"Fine. Is there any spell to… like apply the anathema to this house."

"No Snow. I swear I won't gut you in my childhood bedroom. That's the best I can do."

"Not very convincing."

"I don't care. Either you stay hidden here until my family leaves and we make a plan, or you go out by the window and run until September comes."

"I'll stay," he says, jutting out his chin defiantly.

My heart skips a bit and a knot in my stomach loosen.

"Whatever. Don't make any noise."

A knock at the door. We both jump. I grab Snow by his -my- shirt and push him in my closet. How ironic. I send him a dark look and close the doors behind him.

"What is it?" I ask to the door.

Mordelia walks in.

"Will you help me pack? Mom is busy with the others."

"Of course. Go wait for me in your room, I'll be here in a second."

She nods and leaves. I release Snow from my closet. He has a weird look that I cannot explain.

"Don't make a mess. Just don't do anything that might sound like someone is in the room, I beg of you. Sit somewhere and think about how much you despise me, it should keep you occupied."

"What if the goblins come before your family leave?"

"The estate is protected by spells that should keep them at bay for a while."

I close the door behind me and pray that Snow won't act like his usual, loud, clumsy self. I take my time with Mordelia. Her room is just next to mine so I'll hear if Snow trips over a piece of furniture. She only really wants someone to watch over her to be certain she does not forget anything. She is a Pitch after all, so she is organised and her suitcase is packed quite quickly.

"Mom says you are not coming."

"I am not."

"Holidays are funnier when you are here."

I cannot help a smile.

"You'll have fun anyway, I promise."

"I hope so, but it means I'll always have to be with mom and dad."

"You can also spend time with your grandparents."

"They aren't as fun as you."

"What can I say, I'm the life of the party."

"No, I am."

This time I laugh and nod.

"Do you want my help to pack?" she asks.

"No, I'll pack tonight, I'll be fine."

"Can I watch your movie with you?"

"How about we go down to the kitchen and maybe help Daphne make lunch?"

"Fine."

"Go ahead. I'll get my phone from my room and I'll join you."

"You better."

She hops down the stairs and I walk back to my room. Snow is lying on my bed. _Snow is lying on my bed._ His eyes open when I walk in.

"I'll bring you food later. Take my computer if you're bored, but don't get out."

"You don't have to remind me the rules every time, I'm not that daft. And I think I'll just sleep."

"Whatever. Give me your phone."

He frowns but obeys when I hold my hand out. He doesn't even have a password to unlock it. His homescreen is a random pre saved picture. Actually, the whole phone looks like it just came out of the store. I try not to think about what it means and put my number in his contacts. He doesn't have much of those.

"Text me if there is an emergency. Only then."

I throw the phone on my bed and leave the room again.

Everything goes as smoothly as possible until dessert, when my phone lights up on the table. _I'm hungry_ , it says. Shocking. _Not an emergency_ , I text back. _I'm gonna look for snacks I know you have some under your bed at Watford so you probably have stuff here too_. Now this is an emergency. I quickly help to clean up, steal a piece of bread and put way too much butter on it, and almost run back to my room. He is still laid across the bed.

"You absolute nightmare."

He smiles as I hand him the bread.

"Knew this would make you hurry. You're always telling me to eat healthier, and this is what you give me?"

"Surprisingly, our family lunch didn't include a plate with your name on it. This will have to do until they leave."

"Thanks," he mumbles.

I watch him eat. He lets crumbs fall on his shirt and my bed without a care in the world. He is a tragedy. When he is done, he lets himself fall back on my pillow and closes his eyes. He looks almost peaceful.

"I haven't done anything but I'm…" he starts, interrupted by a yawn. "Exhausted."

"Sleep here, I'll spend the afternoon downstairs. No one will come in here."

He nods and makes himself comfortable. I want to watch over him. I leave.

I actually spend the afternoon with Daphne and my sisters. I feel a bit guilty to lie to them, and it helps me. I can see that Daphne is glad too. Father mostly ignores me when he gets back. I hug my sisters before they get into the car and exchange a smile with Daphne.

"Take care of yourself, Basilton."

"I will."

When we're done with our warm goodbyes, they leave. I finally get to exhale. I walk back to my room. Snow is still asleep. I do not let my eyes on him for too long, for fear that I wouldn't be able to get away. I go into the library, pick up my violin, and play to lose sense of time. I play some Bowie songs that Fiona made me learn, some classical, I get lost in the notes. I stop to breathe in between songs, when a voice coming from behind startles me.

"You're actually good."

"Don't sound so surprised Snow, you wound me."

"I'm not really surprised. You're good at everything. I'm still hoping to find something you cannot do I guess."

Stop talking I beg of you.

"What is your plan to get rid of all your goblin friends?" I ask, still not looking at him.

"First of, I'll raid your kitchen, if you allow it."

"Fine," I say with a sigh.

I can imagine him smile as he leaves, and I follow him. He waits at the bottom of the stairs and I lead him to the kitchen. He looks in the cupboards and refrigerator, and fixes himself an actual meal.

"We may need to ration the food, in case the goblins surround the house," I say when I see the pile on his plate.

He looks a bit defeated. I meant it as a joke but it might be an actual thing to consider. I don't want to be locked up with a hungry Snow. I actually don't want to be locked up with him, period.

"You're not eating" he points out.

"I am not hungry."

I certainly don't want to eat in front of him, and this kind of food isn't really what I need at the moment. Not that I can tell him that. I'll go out during the night. We stay silent for a while. How do you do small talk with your worst enemy with whom you're forced to collaborate?

"They usually find me quicker than this," he says. "I haven't slept so much in weeks. Meaning they are probably not far, held back by your spells. Or trying to find a way in."

"They just want you dead right? No other motive like a stolen… whatever is important to goblins?"

"No. Kill Simon Snow, become king. It's an old grudge."

"So we have to keep them away, make them fear this place enough that they won't dare come near to see if you're here."

"Give 'em hell," he nods.

"I'll look in the library for spells to keep them away. I don't believe we have anything on goblins laws that could help us."

"Not sure they even have laws. It's the first time I see them being a bit organised. They usually come at me alone or in pairs."

"A crown cannot be shared."

"Apparently killing me became more urgent or something."

"It's weird that you don't get along. With your manners, you could be their king," I comment, looking pointedly at the pasta he let fall around the plate.

He grumbles but picks them up. He must be really exhausted, to not pick a fight. When he is done, he washes his dishes.

"I'll show you to your room," I say.

He looks a bit surprised, as if he thought he would stay in my room, or sleep on the porch, I don't know. I lead him to a spare bedroom and leave him there. I pick up a few spell books in the library before going to my room. I let myself fall on the bed, where he was. It smells like him and, because I'm completely mental, I put my nose on the pillow and inhale, holding it close to my chest. I could cry. I might have, if a knock on my door didn't make me jump. The anxiety makes me angry.

"What?" I say coldly.

He opens the door and lets his head in.

"Can I stay here? The other room is weird."

"Are you kidding me ?"

"No!" He says as he walks in and closes the door behind him. "There are weird sculptures looking at me."

I get up and walk towards him, attracted like he has a gravitational pull.

"Nobody is looking at you," I lie. "Is your goal to make my life a living hell? Is that it? Aren't you scared I'll eat you in your sleep?"

I'm way too close.

"We have a truce. You don't have to be so mean."

"The truce never said anything about the way I talk to you. Should I lie to you? Would that make you feel better? Snow, you are the most precious being in my whole existence, your eyes come to me in dreams, I am so, so glad that you are with me, I missed you so much it made my chest hurt."

I am out of breath. Our faces are too close. Now that I smelled him on my pillow, it is the only thing I can breathe in. Even I wasn't ready to hear so much truth. He closes both his hands in fists.

"Don't be like that. Just let me sleep on your couch, what does it cost you?"

I take several steps back.

"My peace of mind."

He lets out a growl and leaves. I can finally breathe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick note because I found the tumblr post that inspired the fic and it deserves credit so here is the link : https://samwellwinchesterthebrave.tumblr.com/post/186755738565/crewdlydrawn-nerdy-birdy18  
> I think I'll post every Tuesday and Saturday for the remaining chapters, would that be alright ?


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Don't be like that. Just let me sleep on your couch, what does it cost you?"
> 
> I take several steps back.
> 
> "My peace of mind."
> 
> He lets out a growl and leaves. I can finally breathe.

I lay on my bed, reading, until I'm sure he is sleeping. Then I get my shoes, my wand and head out. The air is surprisingly chilly for the end of July. I walk towards the woods hastily. I want to get it over with. Luckily, I stumble upon a rabbit, big enough to be sufficient. I capture it with a spell and drain it quickly. I'm about to get back up when I hear a noise. I stay still and wait. Suddenly, I hear something running towards me. Things, actually. Five goblins step out of the darkness. They didn't bother playing dress up and are just their usual green, ugly selves. I have my wand out.

"Don't do something we both know you'll regret," I warn.

They are probably too dumb to understand, because they charge me. I push them back with a spell, then fire, but another noise breaks my focus. Snow barges in, sword out and attacks the goblins. They immediately fight back. It is clear that he is the real target. While he plunges his sword in one of them, another arrives behind him.

"Simon!"

I jump to interfere. I burn the creature but he manages to put me down and while I'm on the ground, he claws at me. I hiss and point my wand to him.

" _Off with your head!_ "

It's gross, but efficient. I get back up, holding my wound. Snow got two other goblins. We both face the last one. Again, too dumb to acknowledge his situation, he runs to me but Snow interrupts him with one swift blow, and he falls to the ground, lifeless. I clean up the mess with a few spells. Snow is panting. He walks to me, holds his hand toward my wound.

"You're hurt…"

I take a step back.

"You followed me," I snarl.

"I tried, I wanted to see where you were going, but I lost you in the woods, until I heard them. You should thank me."

He didn't see me with the rabbit, or he would gloat. I'm so relieved that I let down my guard and feel my knees give out under me. He catches me before I fall. Again, how ironic. I have known for a few years that I would die in Simon Snow's arms but this all seems very underwhelming. I don't think I'm really dying anyway. He puts my right arm around his shoulders and his left arm around my hips, carefully not touching the wound. I hate it. I wish he would never let me go. He starts moving back to the house.

"I can walk," I say weakly.

"I know."

He does not let me go, and because I love to hate myself, I fall back against him a little more than necessary. We do not see any other creature and make it back inside. He lets me fall on the sofa. I move so blood won't get on it. He leaves the room and comes back quickly, handing me a towel to put under me. After that, he looks completely lost. I sigh.

"Can you do a healing spell?" I ask.

"I don't know, I mean… Hypothetically yes. But I might make it worse."

Pain makes my head spin. I don't want to cast a spell on myself in this state.

"Wait here," he commands, like there's a risk I might go for a walk.

He comes back in the room carrying more towels and a basin full of water.

"Take off your shirt," he orders.

Not the context in which I imagined those words falling from his lips. I do not move, he takes it as a refusal, and decides to take the matter in his own hands, and undresses me. I think that if his hands touch my skin, I will combust. He opens every button and then, carefully, the shirt. His thumb grazes over my chest and I stop breathing.

"Sorry," he says.

He thinks he hurt me. I do not contradict him. He starts washing the wound oh so carefully. I cannot take my eyes away from his hands. The wound isn't as bad as it should be, and I stopped bleeding. The water is red.

"Do you have anything to… cover it?" Snow asks.

I indicate him where to look, and in a minute, he is clumsily bandaging me up. I closed my eyes at some point.

"I'm not used to doing it on somebody else," he says.

I don't answer. I'm exhausted.

"It will be fine for the night, maybe more. Depends how fast you are healing…"

I cannot retain a smile because despite everything, he still isn't dropping the vampire narrative. He stays silent. I open my eyes. He is staring at me. I sit and try to get up, he helps me. Silently, he leads me to my room. I finish removing my shirt and put it on the back of my chair. I'm about to start on my jeans, when I see that he is still here. I raise a questioning eyebrow. He sees it when his eyes stop looking at my wound.

"What? I'm not leaving you alone tonight."

I need a second for my brain to restart.

"Snow, I'm exhausted, it's well past midnight, please don't be difficult."

"They're close. What if they come in during the night? What if you start bleeding again?"

"Why do you care?" I explode.

He opens his mouth, but does not seem to find a good answer.

"Hero complex I presume. You know what? I cannot fight you right now. Be a good guard dog and sleep at the foot of my bed, I don't care."

I go to the bathroom to change and brush my teeth. I pick a new toothbrush from under my sink and place it in evidence. Back in my room, I take out a clean shirt, a short that is too wide for me and hand them to Snow. He looks at me weirdly for a second, but takes the clothes and goes to the bathroom. I head straight for the bed and get under the covers, this time not using the pillow he did. I hear him come out, getting to the couch, moving around for a while. I fall asleep to the sound of him breathing.

I wake before him. My head feels clearer and everything hurts less. I wasn't startled awake by nightmares or goblins, so I technically had a great sleep. I clean myself in the bathroom and change the bandage. Snow actually did a decent enough job for once. Once I look good enough, I go back to my room. I try to ignore Snow while he yawns and stretches. His hair is defying gravity. He didn't bother putting on the shirt I gave him.

"Are you okay?" He dares to ask in a grave voice. "The wound I mean."

"It's fine. Get dressed, we have a lot to do."

He doesn't move. I look at him and he seems weirdly shy.

"I… clothes."

"Words are better in sentences Snow."

"I need clean clothes. And… underwear."

He blushes. I turn away so he won't see me do the same -even if I doubt there is enough blood left in me for that.

"Take whatever you need. I'll just burn it when you're done with it and buy something new. Meet me downstairs."

I practically flee the room. I clean the mess we made last night. My precious blood seems everywhere but fortunately, it didn't get on anything it would stain perpetually. Once I'm done I make tea and sit at the little table in the kitchen. The clock on the wall indicates that it is almost noon. I sigh. Being close to Snow during the school year is already a nightmare but here, alone in my house, it feels like a foretaste of Hell. I won't be able to take it for long. I feel a bit nauseous, but I eat what I can before he comes down. I cannot keep avoiding food, especially with all the blood I lost. I hear him coming down the stairs and put my walls back on.

" _Some like it hot_ ," I cast at the kettle right before he walks in.

I shiver. He is wearing my clothes, but this time it's things I really wear. It's entirely different from seeing him in something I barely knew I owned. It's all too cosy, too domestic. The shirt is too tight on him. My heart aches and I pointedly look at the wall. He walks around the room like he owns it and fixes himself a breakfast-lunch. I know him enough to see that he is actually rationing.

"What do we do?" he questions.

I can think of a million things, none of them includes him wearing a shirt, but all of them would make him think I lost it. Maybe I did.

"We get rid of the goblins," I say instead.

"I know that. How?"

"We won't be able to kill them all, that much is sure…"

"Maybe I could call Penny and…"

"No." I interrupts abruptly. "I don't need your little gang to invade me. And we both know Bunce would come straight here. You should have called her before barging in here."

"I don't have her number."

That shuts me up for a second.

"What? You do not live with the Mage, and don't have Bunce's number. Do you only talk with Wellbelove during the summer?"

"No. No one."

"Why the hell not?"

"When I get back to the homes… Watford and everything seem too good to be true. So I act as if it's not real. It would hurt less if it turns out to be some sort of dream. I have nothing, act like I will never have anything, try to convince myself of it, just in case."

This is the saddest thing I have ever heard. The idea of Simon, alone, thinking he will always be, in one of these places… it breaks my heart. I have my most disgusting impulse to date : I want to hug him, hold him close, share all the warmth I can conjure. Make him feel safe. I pinch him instead and he almost spills his tea while moving away from me.

"What the-"

"Now you know you're not dreaming. Watford is real, and so is the threat to our lives behind the door. Focus. I found some protection spells for the house last night, I'll cast them to buy us some time. We need to scare them off. Killing cannot be our main goal because there are too many of them."

"How are we gonna do that ?"

"We are going to study," I answer with a wicked grin.

I'm aware of how much he hates this. After I casted the protection spells I could, I led him to the library. Now, we are seated at the two farthest ends of the table there, looking for battle spells in books older than Watford.

He is having a very hard time. I've suspected for a while that he might have some form of disability, like adhd or dyslexia. Seeing him squirming on his chair, playing frantically with his hair, frowning and clearly struggling to keep reading, only makes my hypotheses stronger. No wonder classes are a nightmare. For all I say, I don't believe he is actually stupid. He mostly has an issue with communication which unfortunately is at the core of our system. He always says a million more things with his gestures than with his words. You just have to learn how to read him. Once you do, he is an open book. Considering the actual abuse his not-foster-father puts him through, it's no wonder he struggles, really. How could you communicate easily when you are sent away every year by the closest thing you have to family? His loyalty towards him seems even more absurd now. Maybe he believes the Mage loves him. Maybe he thinks that's all the love he deserves.

I close yet another useless grimoire and sigh. Him having a hard time focusing is what makes me lose my focus. Well, his entire existence is, if I'm being honest. A loud banging noise makes us both jump. We exchange a look before darting towards the window. The spells weren't enough. They are here, basically at my door. A sea of goblins.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The spells weren't enough. They are here, basically at my door. A sea of goblins.

They are encircling the house, but not doing much, as if they're looking for the doorbell.

"You couldn't have beef with an endangered species with only three members left, could you?"

"I'll do that next time."

He is almost smiling, but I'm not in the mood to appreciate it. I panic for a second. If I hadn't been so dumb, thinking he would be safe here, my house and our lives wouldn't be threatened right now. But his life would. He would have to face them, alone. So this was worth it. _To die by your side is such a heavenly way to die._

"Stay here," I order.

I leave the room and hear him follow. I go to one of the rooms which has a little balcony.

"Stay inside, don't let them see you," I say as I open the window.

I step outside and hold out my wand. I take a deep breath.

" _Back off!_ " I yell. " _Bugger off! Back off!_ "

I swear under my breath and turn back to Snow, who actually listened and stayed hidden.

"This is useless. There are way too many of them."

I hear how defeated I sound, it's pathetic. I might be a bit scared. He summoned his sword at some point.

"I can just try to make my way through them. I'll attract them somewhere else, far away from here".

"No. You'll die in a minute."

"You'll get rid of me _and_ all this anyway, it's a win-win."

"Don't act dumber than you are, for once."

"Fine, then try again I guess, it's all we have."

I turn back again, and get ready. He puts his hand on my shoulder in a supporting way. I'm filled with a deep warmth. I don't know what it is, but it's the nicest thing I've felt in years.

" _Get lost!_ "

I barely have to raise my voice. I feel as if magick is bubbling just under my skin, ready to pour out. And it does. As I say the words, the goblins start to run away, each in their own direction. I can only watch, completely amazed. I turn my face to Snow. His hand is still on my shoulder.

"What did you do?"

"No idea."

I stumble back into the room and sit on the couch there. He sits next to me.

"What were you thinking?"

"I… wanted to help? I felt my magick but instead of trying to use it I… pushed."

"Pushed."

"Yes."

"You are not making any sense. You… gave me your magick? It's impossible."

"Do you think you took it, like, you have it now?"

"No. I'm not feeling it anymore."

"You felt it? What was it like?"

"I… warm."

"Oh."

I don't know what to do, or what to think. I miss the feeling. I almost take his hand. Almost.

"They will come back." I state. "They probably didn't go far. We need to keep looking for something."

"At least now we know that we can be powerful enough, it's just a matter of finding the right spell."

_We can be powerful enough._ As a team. We head back to the library, and he doesn't even complain. I think he felt useless, unable to cast a spell without risking hurting us both, and unable to charge the enemy sword in hand. Now he has a purpose. I get lost in the books to avoid looking at him. I see him leaving at some point but I do not acknowledge it. I raise my head some time later when he puts a bowl of pasta with cheese in front of me. The sun is setting.

"Oh… thank you."

I'm not sure I ever unironically said those words to him.

"You're welcome. We don't have much left."

"We better find this spell soon then."

He nods and starts eating while browsing a book. I try to swallow the knot in my throat and do the same. This is way too domestic. I'm growing frustrated. All these books are useless. The battles are described in great lengths to make some random general look like a hero, but the spells are rarely mentioned. The only remotely interesting thing I found is _Lightning never strikes twice in the same place_ , to make lightning fall on the victim, but if we were to use Snow's magick, I could blow up the whole country. I might be losing hope. I look at him, the most hopeless thing in my damned life, bathed in the sunlight. He doesn't even look real. He is more of an ethereal being down on Earth only to torture me. Close but unreachable. More than anything, I want to keep him safe, and I don't think I can.

"I might have something," he says and looks directly into my eyes.

I get up and cross the room to place myself behind him. His scent immediately assault my senses. I focus on the paragraph he is indicating.

"This… might work. With a power like yours… What is this book?"

"Some guy talking about curses, and torture stuff I think. Some passages are pretty terrifying."

"That's what we wanted… scare them off. We will have to try."

"If it doesn't work, we just have to get them lost for another day. Right now we should rest."

I nod. The lack of blood makes me hungry, on edge and tired. I get to use the bathroom first. My wound looks as good as can be. I head straight to bed and chase warmth under the cover. I've felt cold since he let go of my shoulder. When Snow walks in the room, I do not hear him stop at the couch. Instead I feel a weight on the bed. I open my eyes to see him on the other side. Shirtless, of course.

"I want to do it again. The sharing magick thing. To be sure it works."

I sit against the pillow and he takes it as an invitation to do the same, facing me. I want to push him away and hold him in my arms at the same time. I don't move. He holds out his hands. I turn to face him and put my hands in his. It all feels like a fever dream, even the way he whispers.

"I'm not sure what to do. Tell me if… anything."

He closes his eyes to focus and I don't have the strength to do the same. I engrave every detail of him in my mind. Slowly, I feel the same warmth I did earlier coming back to me. Through my fingers, my hands, my arms and then covering me whole.

"I feel it," I say in a whisper.

He smiles.

"Cast something."

I cannot think of anything but the way the light of the moon falls on his face.

" _Twinkle twinkle little star._ "

I'm not even sure it's a spell but it seems to be enough for his magick. I gasp. His eyes flutter open, and the look of pure joy on his face makes my heart skip a beat. We are surrounded by stars, as if the spell made us travel all the way to outer space. It all seems impossible, especially the way his hands tighten around mine. His smile doesn't even disappear, the way it usually does, when he looks back at me. I want to kiss him. I need to hold him in my arms so much that it hurts. I take my hands away from his, and we're back into my room. He lets himself fall on the covers.

"Wow. I don't know what that was but… wow. If I can control it, it means I can actually use my power for good. With Penny… I could actually help. Safely. Defeat the Humdrum."

Right, Bunce. For a millisecond there I envisioned a future where we fought side by side, but he already erased me from the narrative. I cannot dare to speak. I know I will regret anything that might come out of my mouth. I lay down next to him. He is breathing rapidly but other than that, he isn't moving. He seems drunk on happiness. I wonder if he and Bunce will use this newfound power against me someday. Maybe I just helped him discover a safe way to end me. I fall asleep not long after him.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wonder if he and Bunce will use this newfound power against me someday. Maybe I just helped him discover a safe way to end me. I fall asleep not long after him.

When I wake up, my head is pounding. Blood withdrawal. I know the symptoms by now. When I manage to open my eyes, they land immediately on Snow. Asleep. In my bed. I freeze. He is lying on top of it, always too hot, burning with life. He looks better than he did when he first arrived. I want to reach for him and caress his face, play with his hair and kiss his collarbone. This is Heaven and Hell raining down on me. I look at him, because it's all I'm allowed to have, holding my hands against my chest. His sleep looks peaceful. I want him to leave and to stay right here for the rest of our lives. I stumble to the bathroom and it takes me way more time than it should to get ready. My movements are sloppy, slow. And I curse a lot.

When I enter the room, Simon is seated on the bed, looking very much awake. He brought a tray with two tea cups.

"I thought we should keep food for later, just in case."

I just nod and come to sit next to him. My first sip of tea helps a little but I feel ice cold.

"You look… bad," he informs me.

"Good morning to you too."

"I didn't… it's not an insult. Is it your wound? Are you not healing?"

He holds a hand out towards me but I push it back.

"I'm fine."

"Is there… anything you need? Like something you went to get in the woods the other day?"

"No," I stop him. "Go get dressed. Go anywhere actually, just get out of the bed I never invited you in."

He sighs but obliges. I watch him leave, because I'm weak, and he is the most beautiful boy I've ever seen. He comes back way too quickly, fortunately staying away from me.

"What if they do not come back?"

"We enjoy our holiday and go for a picnic, probably."

"Don't be like that, he says," frowning.

"Like what, Snow?"

"Yourself."

I laugh.

"I'm afraid that is all I can be."

"No. You can be nice."

"Because I'm not killing you? I'm not being nice."

"You know what I mean."

Sadly, I do. I'm becoming weaker the more he stays. I let down my guard. It almost makes me forget that I'll die with his blade through my heart.

"Should we watch a movie?" He offers.

"Do whatever you want, I couldn't care less."

He picks up my laptop on my desk and comes back next to me in bed. He actually is going through with this. I sigh. I finish my tea while he looks for something to watch. I don't even know what movie starts, my eyelids feel too heavy, and I doze off. My headache wakes me. Before I move, before I open my eyes, I feel something in my hair. A hand. Simon's hand. I try not to move but he must sense that I woke because he takes it away. I wait for a minute before sitting. He acts as if nothing happened, so I do not mention it. I go take some medicine, even if I know they won't do much.

"What is going on with you?"

He followed me and I'm once again looking at him through the mirror. Before I can answer, I hear the doorbell. We run to the window. Nothing. We go down the stairs and to the front door. The bell rings again. Snow summons his sword and I silently tell him to stay hidden. My wand is hidden in my sleeve when I open the door. It's a postman.

"I have a package for Simon Snow. He has to sign, can he come to the door?"

I'm a bit taken aback. Then I see that he indeed has a package. I hear Snow whisper-shouting my name. I turn and he makes a vague movement behind me. Facing the door is a large mirror. In which the postman is a lot greener.

"I'm afraid you just missed him," I say to the goblin with a polite smile. "I can probably take that for him."

"Where is he?" he insists.

Snow surges from behind me, plunges his sword in the goblin, who falls at our feet.

"Right here," I answer.

"Baz…"

I look at Snow, who is pointing at something outside. The goblins, seeing their plan failing, decided to go back to the good old charging narrative. I push Snow inside and lock the door behind us. Time to put our excuse of a plan in action. I grab his wrist and run to the stairs. I lead him to my parents bedroom, the highest point of the house. We can hear the goblins banging on every wall. I can only pray that the last protection spells will last. I stop right before opening the glassdoor to the balcony. I turn to face Snow and point my wand at him.

"Baz? What are you doing? I thought… I thought…"

He looks effectively betrayed. Beautiful idiot.

" _Oh! Darling, please believe me, I'll never do you no harm_ ," I cast and then explains. "Protection spell, just in case."

It is more effective on someone you love deeply, but he probably doesn't know it. He gives me a shy smile. I open the door and step out. He follows. I expect him to put his hand on my shoulder, but he intertwines his fingers with mine. I let him with a shiver. His magick flows in me, warm and familiar. I hold out my hand, and cast.

" _The only thing we have to fear is fear itself._ "

It's a spell that makes you see or feel what you fear most, if the grimoire Snow read said the truth. I feel like even if it wasn't a spell, his magick is powerful enough to make it one. The crowd of monsters isn't banging or my house anymore, they all seem to be locked in their own heads. The growls and screams we hear are terrifying. Snow tightens his grip on my hand. Our shoulders are touching.

"Do the other one," he whispers.

I wonder if I hear him because we are linked or just because of my condition.

" _Keep your friends close and your enemies closer._ "

Combined with the other spell, the confused mind of the victims cannot longer differentiate their friends from their enemies. We are made even luckier in the fact that the goblins aren't particularly hard to turn against each other. Their alliance was fragile from the beginning. Each of them fighting their own demons, they start to attack each other, thinking it's the way to get rid of whatever they fear. Soon enough, it will be us they fear most. Snow does not let go of my hand. He looks at the battlefield and I look at him. I feel powerful. After a while, he breaks the silence.

"I think we can let them go now."

" _As you were_ ," I say softly.

It's like I casted _Freeze_. They all stop moving, shocked and lost. The spells are lifted, but the fear is still here. So are the corpses of those who lost a battle. Suddenly, one of them screams and runs away, promptly followed by the others. Snow laughs.

"We did it!"

He radiates pure joy and relief, and a smile escapes me. He lets go of my hand. I do my best not to chase it. He all but jumps into my arms. I stay still for a second, unable to breathe, and then slowly put my arms around him. I must be dreaming. None of this is happening. He lets go and a dizziness that has nothing to do with him overtakes me. I put my head in my hands.

"Baz? Are you alright? Did I hurt you?"

Words cost me all the energy I have left.

"I… need blood."

A few days after he surprised me in the middle of the night, I'm the one passing out in his arms.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few days after he surprised me in the middle of the night, I'm the one passing out in his arms.

I wake up on my bed, to the smell of blood. I lick my lips and the taste of it finishes to pull me from sleep. I sit up.

"Baz! You're awake! Take this. I don't know how to…"

Snow. He is handing me a dead rabbit. I know I shouldn't, but I'm too exhausted to care. I take it, and let my fangs sink into its neck. I look up. I look at him right in the eyes. _You were right. I'm a monster. You have every reason to kill me now._ I cannot decipher his look. He isn't screaming, he does not hold his sword, he does not even seem disgusted. I have no idea what he is thinking. I'm disgusted enough for both of us. This is the lowest point in my miserable life. Draining a rabbit in front of the boy I love, who only waited to prove my monstrosity before killing me. I want to set myself on fire. Instead, I try to get up but he puts a hand on my shoulder.

"Are you alright?"

"I need more," I say because it's the truth.

"Don't move then, I'll bring more."

He leaves the room as if I asked for a glass of water. I'm shocked and also realize that I'm thirsty. I go to the bathroom to drink. My fangs are still out, and blood is dripping down my chin. I look every inch the monster he thinks I am. I start crying as I clean my face. I barely have time to go back to bed before he comes back in. He has another dead rabbit, I don't know how he could hunt it so fast. He just hands it to me, and I drink it, keeping eye contact with him the whole time. I'm really mental. He takes it back when I'm done, and leaves again. I took my time to drink, so I'm not as disgusting, but I go take a shower and change my clothes. Snow is waiting for me when I get back.

"Are you alright now?"

"Until you decide to use your sword, I guess I am."

He rolls his eyes.

"You scared me," he just says.

"How long was I out?"

"Maybe an hour. I put you here and went out to find something. Took me so long I considered using my own blood, but then I found the first one. You woke up as soon as I put blood on your lips. I didn't know how else to help you."

A horrified shiver shakes me.

"I have never, never, drank human blood, and I don't want to start with yours.

"Good thing I found the rabbits then."

He jokes. He is joking, and not ending me with his sword. Something isn't right.

"Why?" I ask.

"Why what?"

"Why didn't you let me die?"

"You helped me, I helped you, that was a normal reaction. Baz I don't want you to…" he trails off.

"Except you do. You have to want me dead because you _will_ kill me."

"I don't want that, I never wanted that. I don't want to fight you."

"You will do it no matter what."

"No! We worked together, we helped each other. It was nice, we can… we can…"

"We can what Snow? Be besties and just forget about everything else? My house is safe now, you can go."

He looks hurt. I feel hurt. I feel devastated. But I better push him away before he does it. It would hurt so much more. I prefer to stay the villain of the story. He waves his arms in the air, looking for his words.

"Fine!" He ends up saying.

He waits for a few seconds, as if waiting for me to stop him. I do not move. I see him leave the room, I hear him running down the stairs and slamming the door. I sink to my knees and cry.

Now that I had blood, other sustenance isn't as pressing, which is good because there is nothing left, and I do not have the energy to go out. I do not have the energy for anything, really. I cast a few spells to clean the garden of what is left of the Great Goblin Invasion and spend the rest of the day sulking in my bed, holding the pillow he used. What will happen, back at Watford? Will I even be let into the school after he reports me? I know the punishments  inflicted upon vampires, I have always known. None of them are attractive. I am terrified, but it's nothing compared to the heartache. I had him close, I worked with him, he slept in my bed, held my hand… It was torture, but it was still better than him being away. I don't know where he is, or if he is safe. Where will he sleep? How will he eat? Is he scared? Is he thinking of me? He is probably cursing me. He would be right to, I'm cursing myself. I should have told him to stay. I wanted him to stay.

I end up giving in to a far from restful sleep, filled with nightmares. I wake up in the middle of the night. The rain is pouring. Behind the noise it makes, I hear something. Like a rattling on wood. I get up and follow the noise. Downstairs, I see that the porch is lit up. Something or someone is here. I swear that if it's a goblin who missed the memo… I am not in the mood. I hold my wand and open the door quickly.

Snow is here, his fist raised to knock. The surprise on his face must match mine. He holds a plastic bag in his other hand and shows it to me.

"I brought food."

My brain abandoned the ship, so I move to let him in. He goes straight to the kitchen and empties the bag on the table. I stay far away from him.

"I walked to a village nearby and met a very nice lady who has a Chinese restaurant. We talked a bit and she ended up giving me this, so I could eat tonight. And I thought that you had nothing, which is unfair because I'm the one you put you in this situation, so…"

He only talks that much when he is very stressed. He came back.

"It's probably cold but…"

He shrugs. He came back. He looks at me, clearly unsure of what to do next. None of us know the procedure for "My archnemesis and I worked together and saved each other's lives but then he kicked me out and I brought him food". I cast _Some like it hot_ on the food and sit at the table. He does the same, albeit a bit weary. We eat in silence, then clean and go to my room. If he observes it, it's clear on which side of the bed I spent the day. I give him a full change of clothes and we each take a turn in the bathroom. All without saying a word. I lay on my bed, he goes to the couch. I listen to him breathing. He came back. Despite everything, despite _me_ , he came back. I guess my couch is better than homelessness. I close my eyes. He moves around, more than he usually does, and finally gets up. I feel him sitting next to me.

"I don't want to kill you Baz, not now and not ever. I won't even tell the Mage about… I won't tell anyone. I don't care. I know you won't hurt me. For now."

I open my eyes. He is looking right at me. I want to kiss him. He moves so he lays besides me, leaning on his elbow.

"I don't want you to die. And I think you don't want me to die."

I want to hold myself up and kiss him, just so he stops speaking. To give him a new reason to want me dead.

"How presumptuous," I whisper instead.

He giggles. I'm going to kiss him, even if it's the last thing I do. He moves again, placing a hand on each side of my head, holding himself over me.

"I know. There is something else I think you want. At least, I want."

He slowly gets down. And then _he_ kisses _me_.

I kiss him back immediately, my body reacting on instincts alone. My brain short-circuited. I slide my arms around his waist and pull him to me. He practically falls, and the kiss is broken for a second, but he quickly comes back to my lips. I have died and gone to heaven, I'm sure of it now. A burning pain brings me back on Earth, and I have to push him away, next to me.

"Baz," he all but moans desperately.

I want to hear my name said like that again. A million times. He looks panicked. I take his bloody chain with the hand that isn't stuck under him and yank it away. He smiles when he understands why I pushed him. I move him so I'm the one slightly on top of him this time. He puts a hand on my cheek and caresses me with his thumb. I almost break down here and there, but instead kiss his palm quickly before returning to his lips. Softly, this time. We have all the time in the world, because he does not want to fight and neither do I. So I take my time devouring him. He does not complain. I kiss his neck, every mole that I've been watching from afar for too long. His hands are all over me. And he says my name again, and again, and again. We end up making out lazily before falling back on the pillows. Our faces are only centimeters apart, our legs intertwined, his arms around my neck and my shoulders, my arms locked around his waist. I feel drunk. It feels like ten times the warmth of his magick. I kiss his chin and his jaw, and he laughs.

"Stay here," I say against his skin.

"Wasn't planning on going anywhere."

"This month I mean. My family won't come back until the last week of August. Spend the rest of your summer here. I'll keep you safe."

"Well, I have nowhere else to go so…"

He shrugs, and I almost push him off the bed for his insolence. Almost. I kiss him instead. It weirdly never gets old.

"I like being safe. I feel safe here," he says when I let go of him. "And I like this, whatever this is.

"I like it too, we'll just have to keep going until we figure out what it is I guess."

"I guess," he answers with a laugh and kisses me again.

  
I just wanted to keep him safe, and ended up with way more. But in the end he is, and will be if he stays right here in my arms, I'll make sure of it. As he falls asleep against me, I think that for the first time in probably forever, I feel completely safe, at ease, warm and _happy_. All thanks to him, Simon bloody Snow, my archnemesis and the best kisser I have ever known.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it! The end! (kind of because I did write an epilogue I just don't know when to stop) I'd love to get some feedback as this is the first fanfic I have written in years (also if there are grammar mistakes or something please tell me so I can fix it). I loved writing it (bc I missed Baz and Wayward Son still hurts so I needed comfort) and I hope you enjoyed reading!  
> The epilogue will be up on Monday as it will be my birthday and I'll need validation from strangers.  
> Stay safe and thank you so much for reading!


	8. Epilogue

Summer was never to me the joy it was to other kids. Before Watford, it was just two very boring months where I had to keep myself busy. After Watford however, it felt more like torture. I was either going crazy thinking about all the good of the magick world that I couldn't get, or trying so hard to not think about it that I felt numb. Feeling nothing was the best thing to feel. I also had to look out for the Humdrum, and stayed alone most of the time, to avoid the risk of getting attacked or going off in the presence of another kid.

This month was a completely different experience. For the first time in my life, I wish summer didn't end. I stayed with Baz, in his family home, the whole time. I didn't call Penny or Agatha, I wouldn't know how to explain what is happening. I'm still not sure myself. I just know that I wake up every day in the arms of the person I thought wanted to kill me, and it's the best thing ever. The goblins didn't come back, the Humdrum never showed up, no one disturbed us. Baz tried to talk about September once, and the smell of smoke filled the room, so he dropped it. Another time, I pushed him off me because I felt like I was losing control, but once I calmed down I realized it was a false alarm. Other than that, I did not once have a reason to get upset that would push me to go off. I feel completely safe.

The beginning was awkward. We didn't know for sure how to act with each other, what to say, what to do. We learned to get to know each other all over again. It was softer this time. I get to observe him all day long, and not feel weird about it. I'm pretty sure he likes it, he smiles when he catches me looking. I learned a lot of new things about him. He gets cold at night and apparently I can help with that. His fangs get out when he eats, that's why he won't eat in front of people. I think they're wicked and he eats with me now. He really likes to put his hands in my hair when we kiss, and he kisses my jaw a lot. He loves when I play with his hair, even if he'll never admit it. He is less obsessed with my neck than I am with his, which is surprising, considering he really is a vampire. He does not want to talk about it but sometimes lets me come when he goes out to hunt, if I promise not to look (I still look). We cannot get enough of each other. He is almost always touching me in some way. It's hard to let go of all our old habits, and we still fight sometimes. But it's a lot funnier, especially since we always end up kissing. He also still sort of insults me, but now I hear the fondness in his voice. And when he goes too far, I just kiss him, and he stops talking. If I knew it would be so useful, I might have kissed him sooner. I like all this a lot more than fighting.

I try not to think of _after_ , of September, of how people will react, if we tell them. I'm quite scared of what the Mage will say, but I think Penny will understand. I'm sure she will if Baz lets her see him the way he really is. He takes care of me the way no one ever did, so I'm sure Penny will like this new him. They have a lot in common. They are both crazy smart, and love magick, love studying it. I daydream of nights after class where I fall asleep with my head on his lap while they are having an intense debate about some thing or another. It would be nice. With Baz on our side, fighting the Humdrum will be easier. I don't think about the Old Families. I just hope it won't be our war to fight. And the Mage… When I wake up before Baz, and he is lying against me, his pretty face all relaxed, and I feel warm and safe in his immense bed… I think that I may go against the Mage, for Baz. I might be ready to do a lot of things to keep him there. At the very least, even if he wants us to hide, we will have our room. We will be there together every night. I look forward to it.

We don't do much of our days. We mostly enjoy each other and watch movies. I love the domesticity of it all. I don't have to worry about anything, so I don't. It feels like I'm letting myself float on a cloud. I try not to think of going back to Earth, and it's nice. Sometimes I get to watch him read or listen to him play the violin. I love it. That's when he looks the most open and vulnerable. I love that he lets me see him that way. We practiced the whole sharing magick thing, even though we do not understand it. It's always nice, and Baz comes out of it like he is drunk on my power. I even heard him _giggling_ once. Making out after those sessions is always amazing because he lets go of all his barriers. We went on some walks, to see places he likes in the area, but I don't feel like going out much, so he never insists. I think he likes having me here, where I'm safe, just as much as I do. I spoke of the Humdrum once, and I saw his shoulders getting tense. He was never a target, so I assumed he was worried about me getting hurt. I understand that because thinking of him getting hurt is unbearable. There are lots of things we do not talk about : his family coming back soon, Agatha, the Mage, the Humdrum… but it's alright, we'll get there.

He went on a run and I'm waiting for him to get back. I tried to read but couldn't focus. This morning, we made scones and while they are still in the oven, the whole floor smells awesome. I check that they are not burning, take them out because they look perfect, and go up to his -our?- room. From the windows, I can see a long part of the path he left on earlier. I spot him, jogging back to the house and cannot help a smile forming on my face. I almost start to make my way downstairs when a movement outside catches my eye. I lean against the glass to try and see. There is something in the bushes, a few meters before the gate. My mind immediately goes back to the goblins. Obviously, there aren't many of them, so I'm not too worried as I start to walk to the stairs. Until I see it. On the nightstand, his wand. I cannot believe that he left it there, but it means that he is almost defenseless. I rush down the stairs and through the front door. I summon my sword and run. Baz stops, looking like he's seen a ghost. I must be quite a sight indeed, running at him with my sword out, when I was kissing him desperately to keep him from going out just an hour ago. I am not actually running to him, but I do not have time to explain. Something, not a goblin, is coming behind him. He does not see or hear it, too focused on me, and the thing jumps, hitting him on the head right before I get there. I slice it and push it back. Other things are coming and I place myself between Baz and them. He swears, holding his head.

"What in Merlin's name was that?"

"Numpties," I answer when I finally recognize the things.

They are still moving towards us, even if the sight of me and my sword made them clearly less enthusiastic about it. Baz stands next to me, with a dark look that I'm more used to see directed at me. He puts a hand on my wrist and I know immediately what he wants. I let my magick flow to him. He takes a deep breath, like always when the warmth invades him, and creates a big fireball in his palm. It makes me anxious, but it's not the moment to discuss his flammability.

"If you take one more step," he warns with a deep voice, "none of you are walking out of this place."

When he spoke to me like that, before, it used to anger and scare me at the same time. Now, what I feel is very different. I decide that I like this voice. The numpties are hesitant. One of them, braver or dumber, charges us and I barely have time to move before Baz reduces it to ashes. It finishes to convince the others that this wasn't such a great idea and they scatter rapidly. I turn to Baz, who let the fire die in his hand.

"Are you hurt?" I ask, hearing the worry in my own voice.

When I try to put my hands on him to look at the wound, he takes both of my wrists and looks at me dead in the eye.

"Don't you ever speak of this to anyone."

"Baz I-"

"Swear it," he orders.

I also like this voice but again, not the right time.

"I swear, here, I'll never tell anyone you got attacked, alright?"

"If Fiona hears that I was attacked by numpties, I'll never be at peace in her presence again."

It sounds so ridiculous that I laugh. He lets go of my hands and I try to check his head.

"We got rid of them at least," I say. "You're not bleeding."

"Great, let's get back inside. I'm going to make you swear a magickal oath that you will never run towards me with your sword out, I almost had a heart attack."

"Oh so you _do_ have a heart. Interesting."

I laugh again and interrupts his certainly very smart answer with a kiss, relieved that he is intact. From now on, he'll keep me safe and I'll gladly return the favor. If I don't know what the future holds for us, it will probably be quite eventful, but we'll face it together. It makes me very hopeful, so I kiss him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually did it wow I finished something, didn't know it was something I could actually do. Warning, I am exhausted so there are probably mistakes here and there, and I am so sorry for that, but I was excited about updating.
> 
> Coming back to ao3 was a great experience and maybe it made me want to write more fanfics, maybe I'm looking for plots already, who knows.
> 
> Anyway, I love Baz Pitch and everyone who reads this, thank you so much! I hope you had a great time.


End file.
